So…what do you think of the new logo? Were you able to recognize me, or did you believe the Journal decided to use a “stunt” psychologist? Perhaps some of you wondered why it changed. Simple. The image you are currently viewing is more closely aligned with my self-image: Someone with a good head on his shoulders– the entire head, including the top (you know, the part that created this column).
A “self-image” may be considered a composite of the beliefs which govern and control our behavior. When you stand before a mirror, what do you see in the reflection? Someone who is highly motivated, goal-oriented, and successful? Or a person who looks and feels inadequate? What you see is what you get…and what you get directly influences your ability to achieve desired outcomes.
Everyone has his own reinforcement history. That is, a learning process in which various operations upon the environment are selectively acknowledged– or not– leading to a set of understandings or beliefs. Beliefs may be positive and self-enhancing, or pessimistic and discouraging.
Bonnie B. is a thirty year-old, single architect. She had difficulty deciding among choices that affect her appearance. Clothing rarely fit correctly, her hair-style was constantly under scrutiny, and she avoided contact with men, fearing that she will be perceived as graceless, ungainly, and unattractive. She would constantly run negative internal dialogue about her appearance, and then project an unpleasant internal image.
Dressed in jeans and a sweat- shirt regularly, she admittedly had difficulty projecting a feminine image. Hiding her discomfort with humor, she often stated that even “Tootsie” looked better in a dress. Interestingly, she was raised with three brothers, all of whom became carpenters like their dad. Dad, often outspoken about his wish to have four hammering sons, invariably did the next best thing: Taught Bonnie the trade. He would laugh while telling people that she was a better “framer” than any of her brothers! Just about the only quality which earned his recognition.
Truly a tragic irony, this woman was capable of generating graceful and aesthetic images-turned-to-outcomes for others; but perceived only ugliness for herself. In order to achieve worthwhile goals, it was useful to help her stand before a different mirror; one which would reflect a new, positive self-image. If the image you see of yourself is frequently not the “you” of your choice, don’t break the glass. Try something else.

• 1- Look through the looking-glass. Take a stand! Erase a negative self-image by challenging the beliefs of which it is comprised. Tell yourself different things and watch what happens to your internal pictures. Bonnie began telling herself only positive things– any things–supported by “internal music” reminiscent of pleasant experiences. She was instructed to visualize the kinds of experiences she was describing inside.
• 2- See someone who “can.” What does it mean to admire somebody? Surely, you can think of someone who has mastered a feat that you consider worthwhile. Find out how that person does it. When he or she looks in the mirror, what comes back? What are some of his (her) beliefs? Bonnie believes a friend to have the looks of Demi Moore and the poise of Jackie Onassis. She learned to model the beliefs of that individual until, standing side-by- side before a mirror, she could convince herself (or pre- tend to do so…and then forget she was pretending) that they looked identical! By replacing her negative beliefs about herself with those more positive, her self-image gradually changed.
• 3- Step through the looking glass. To strengthen a more positive self-image, it is useful to “own” it. In order to do so, it is important to associate with that image. This truly makes what you see, what you get! Looking at a more positive “you”, step through the image and try it on! See out of that person’s eyes; feel what he or she feels. By stepping through the looking glass, Bonnie was graced with a wonderland of change which offered a new reality. A reality of success…a true reflection of her “self.”.