How To Make Love Stay…

Randy W. Green, Ph.D.

An attorney known for his ability to forecast marital statistics about as accurately as weather, recently stated that six of every ten marriages this decade will end in divorce (truly a “winter” forecast). While it may be tempting to write this off as one of Mother Nature’s dirty tricks, the storm comes as no surprise. Consider that during the past two decades, the rise and fall of brief marriages has become the rule rather than the except- ion. Today change is the only constant. So how can you make love stay? You can’t bargain with love. You can’t buy it, bribe it or save it for a rainy day. And you can’t ask it to just try and “understand.” Actually love is understood and misunderstood in more ways than the total number of ice cream flavors at Howard Johnson’s, Baskin Robbins, Carvel (hard and soft) and Friendly’s.

“So with all this confusion, about love, what can I do to keep it alive in my relationship”, asked one individual, David, a professional writer of children’s stories, whose marriage was on the proverbial rocks? He and his wife had grown apart and could no longer sustain their love. Not surprisingly, the two did not understand love the same way. They thought they had tried everything that would help them gain insight into their differences and thus restore the “spark” in their marriage. But alas, nothing of which they were consciously aware seemed to make a difference. So turning to the unconscious was the next logical step. After telling David a story, the two of them seemed to make profound changes in their manner of relating to each other. Make yourselves comfortable…

A Medieval Stalemate
Once there was a prince named, Fred, who was really a frog named, Bartholomew; and a princess named, Marcia, who was really a witch named, Hazel. Fred and Marcia met at an inter-kingdom social and were instantly attracted to one another. To their delight, both discovered a mutual interest in the challenge of chess. So they found a quiet little table in the corner and began playing chess. As they played, Fred touched on politics, his affairs of state, his love of water sports and the relative merits of vegetarianism. Marcia focused on her love for cooking, art, home remedies, and the joy and spirit of various holidays, especially Halloween!

Pretty soon they came to know each others’ moves so well they decided to wed. On behalf of both kingdoms from which they came, they were presented with a silver chess set and a marble inlaid board. So completely enthralled, they began playing on their wedding night. And they played and played. Fred, gracing each piece with his gently touch as he committed himself firmly; and Marcia focusing pointedly on her players, constantly reviewing her strategy as her perspective changed.

After a few months, however, a curious situation emerged. Their moves became predictable, challenge changed to boredom and irritation, and Fred and Marcia stopped playing. Whenever one would broach the topic, the other would back off, making an excuse. Time passed. The pieces tarnished, as the gloss had truly worn off! One day, as they sat motionlessly, their discomfort became so unbearable that they decided to destroy the game. Marcia volunteered to make the first move. Suddenly, just as Marcia was about to do justice to the game, her face lit up. She remembered that, as a witch, she lived in a world of new possibilities. Marcia looked at Fred, who choked-up with emotion and developed a “frog in his throat” (which reminded him of his natural inclination to leap at new opportunities). They brought the chess set down to the royal cauldron, where Marcia put together a brew (made from an “instant mix.” Acting like a spoiled, pampered princess all these years, she could no longer be expected to make “scratch” brews). She then offered a few bright incantations and the chess set flew up to the ceiling and came down as a felt backgammon board with marble discs, lined up in their appropriate slots; two dice and an instruction booklet. They could hardly wait to tackle the new game fresh with it’s set of rules and strategies. But more exciting to Fred and Marcia was their new discovery about games; they could be changed. And so they were. And they did, month after month–checkers, feudal monopoly, pin-the-tail-on-the-dragon. So it was that Marcia and Fred, in performing magic on their tarnished game, continued learning…and discovering…and growing together… Some years later, they collaborated on a scroll called, “Games Royalty Play.”
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