Intimacy refers to a way of relating with another in which sensory-based experiences and understandings about themselves are shared. It usually accompanies voluntary exposure of private thoughts and behaviors, presupposing tremendous feelings of “trust” and “caring.” Thus, for most people, this sort of experience involves considerable emotional risk. In Erik Erickson’s (1963) theory of psychosocial development, he cited intimacy as a part of a crisis which occurs in young adulthood, immediately following adolescence.
<?xml:namespace prefix = o /> If someone successfully developed a healthy self-image (associating positive internal feelings with other sensory-based experiences of which one is a part), he or she resolved this crisis by learning to trust and share intimately with others rather than remaining isolated from people. While intimacy is not necessary for physical survival, it does seem essential for a healthy emotional life. Intimacy expands our “models-of-the-world” by enriching them with new generalizations about others that can be quite satisfying. It can also help us make some useful distinctions in our lives. Friends from mere acquaintances; marriage from merely a working “partnership”; parenting from caretaking; loving from liking.
Intimacy is often said to be an emotional– not just a physical or intellectual–understanding. It is characterized by empathy; a way of learning about and “trying- on” another’s perceptions of the world, without fear of censure.  It’s trust, both in one’s ability to share his (her) model of the world and in one’s belief that another individual can do the same; a vulnerability or willingness to remove defenses and be candid with someone.  In another sense, it’s a shared control of the relationship, recognizing the importance of each member’s contributions; and a “shared reality” or ability to mutually perceive and exchange information and feelings, resolving conflicts that arise. Intimacy is manifested through a wide-range of experiences from relatively superficial sharing of activities through euphoric exchanges involving strong feelings which seem to distort time and space; in other words, sex.
 There is some evidence gleaned from surveys and reports that men and women often represent the concept, intimacy differently. In these findings, men are perceived as more cautious about verbal and emotional exchanges. They tend to evade self-disclosure, believing it to mean a lessening of control in a situation. In contrast, women associate control with disclosure, differently. When women reveal information in an intimate relationship, they relate the manner in which it is affecting them and how they can reconcile any “rough” spots in order to gain self-improvement. Furthermore, men use sex as the primary experience in which to be intimate. For women, sex is but one aspect of intimacy, and no more important than valuable self-disclosure or exchanges of mutual concern; and exclusivity. Women value emotional exclusivity, viewing it as a foundation for other dimensions of intimacy. Men tend to evade emotional exclusivity, believing it akin to being engulfed or controlled.
 While these characterizations of sex differences are not exemplified in all relationships, they imply certain barriers to intimacy: A fear of trusting; of appearing vulnerable or losing control. They lead to the kind of encounters which contain superficial interactions. Therapy can often help these individuals overcome their reservations so they can experience the warmth and closeness of intimate sharing, without feeling criticized or controlled. In this regard, perhaps some therapeutic suggestions may lead you to close encounters of another kind:
 (1)Empathize. As your partner talks, try on his (her) perception. Step into that person’s body and ask, “If I were him (her) how would I appear as I related? What would I be telling myself? Feeling? What conflicts (if any) would I be experiencing, and how, specifically?” Resist the urge to interpret or analyze based on your own reactions. Remember, you don’t have to agree with someone in order to empathize

• (2) Express your perceptions, including positive and negative feelings, using the “first-person”, and avoiding generalizations like “always” and “never”. (Not,” Sex is a superficial expression of love” but, “I believe that is so, because…”).
• (3) Discuss matters often, switching back and forth between empathic and expressive roles. Remember, intimacy, like any skill becomes an ability with practice.