Marshall is a copywriter for a large advertising agency. Although his
supervisors rate his work as outstanding, he is considered the two-faced bane of
any planning conference among his colleagues. Typically, he listens to someone,
nodding approval– even adding supportive ideas to their positions. When he
later makes a different decision, it looks like betrayal. “First he says one
thing, then he does something else!” is the usual complaint that is offered. It
would never occur to Marshall to use his own internal experiences to fabricate
malicious behavior. In other words, to lie; say he liked an idea when he thought
it terrible.

As is often the case in the company environment, he is simply trying to show
respect for another person’s opinions and has made no choices one way or the
other. The problem is that he makes it seem as if he has decided in favor of the
idea under discussion, and then, like a skillful halfback reading a swarming
defense, “reverses his field.” But reversing your field after a “fake” can
result in suddenly bringing the whole line down on you!

Marshall has had his ego bruised badly more than once at his agency. Jonathan
communicates quite effectively with his wife, Diane. They have a beautiful
relationship. His mother, Bernice also would describe their relationship as
beautiful, citing that Jonathan is so understanding and agreeable. However,
Diane and Bernice rarely see eye to eye, each believing she has Jonathan’s
support; and for good reasons! When an occasion arises for which Diane and
Bernice hold opposite views and enlist Jonathan’s support, Jonathan finds
himself clumsily trying to play both ends against the middle; seemingly siding
with one, then the other! This issue has been called the “agreement-by-default
trap”, a very low-percentage play (on the order of a “flea-flicker” in the
fourth quarter of a game you are losing badly) that you can avoid by developing
effective communication skills. An example in this instance is clear, concise
communication that conveys your position to the other party. Perhaps you are
interested, but not yet committed; or you are uncertain, so remain silent at
present, offering no gestures which could be misconstrued as “agreement.”

You can accomplish this by saying things like, “That might be one example of a
way to handle the deficit.” Or, “Your point is well taken. I need to compare it
with other data available in order to make an informed decision. Can I get back
to you next tuesday?”

An alternative strategy is to just sit back, listen silently and watch the
interaction among individuals. If you wish to add ideas without committing
yourself to them, say so! This is perhaps the most difficult part. For it
requires that you feel comfortable committing yourself to no immediate decision;
and this requires a certain degree of self-respect necessary to admit to
yourself– as well as others– that you need more information in order to be
able to offer a decisive opinion. Use a thoughtful, “If we did X, then Y might
be good, too”, instead of an overzealous, “Hey! Let’s ad Y and X will work out
perfectly!” Conclude the conversation with a firm statement of your tentative
position: “There are several factors that must be considered in order to decide
in the most beneficial way. Let’s toss it around for awhile so we can get a
handle on this thing and make the best poss ible recommendation.”

Finally, if you have fallen into the trap– or simply had second thoughts about
a previously solid position– admit your reservations to the people involved,
offering as many concrete reasons as you deem necessary for the reversal. “But
why do people have these ‘reversals’, you might ask?” There is a sense among
certain individuals that group tasks offer the opportunity to get ahead–that
they are in competition with their colleagues for some prestigious prize,
including, of course, “recognition”, and perhaps even a promotion. Some people
find this configuration so irresistible that they will stop at nothing to get
what they want; even betrayal of fellow workers! But, alas, this strategy rarely
achieves the desired outcome and, instead, incurs a lot of wrath. So if during
work, some event or issue should arise, for which you feel your feet are firmly
planted in mid-air, pause and get a grip on yourself. Consider your position.
Don’t relinquish it by running around your backfield, vacillating until you are
gang-tackled. Hand-off! Take a stand and sit-out one play! Choosing to not
decide yet is still… a decision.