Your head throbs, stomach churns as you open the note, courtesy of your child’s teacher. Usually, a note can only mean one thing: something is wrong…
In our society the occurrence of consequences may be illustrated by two examples: “Rules 1” and “Rules 2.”

• Rules 1: You are given ten words to memorize. For each you recite correctly, I will give you a quarter; for each incorrect answer, nothing will happen.
• Rules 2: For each word you recite correctly, nothing will happen, but for each incorrect answer, you owe me a quarter.

Most institutions in our society primarily operate by a variation of “Rules 2.” Education is no exception… “…(your child) failed to turn in three assignments this week. Unless this is done…” Sound familiar? What typically follows is a sort of chess match between parent and child. The opening parental move: “Why wasn’t the homework completed?” An inauspicious beginning, as this very inefficient question begets numerous “becauses“, none of which address the problem at hand. The child meets the opening move with a strong defensive posture.
At this point, a parent, fearing failure, brings out the heavy artillery, frantically ordering the completion of all outstanding work by a certain time. Check! The child begins working. King protected. Ten minutes later, “Mom (Dad), I really don’t understand this stuff, could you help me?” Attack! Prodded by guilt, fear, anger and ambition a parent may succumb to this request and do the child’s homework with him, which is to say, for him. Not uncommonly, this takes the form of chronically providing answers and dictating sentences as if the parent is being evaluated by the teacher as well. Checkmate! Although parents who have engaged in this scenario have the best of intentions in mind for their children, there are disadvantages to becoming maximally involved in their assigned work.
Saving a potentially failed grade– even producing higher grades is mitigated by the negative emotional side- effects. A child may become anxious, dependent, and ill- equipped to organize himself (herself) efficiently and productively in a class where other children are also learning effective strategies for performance. Bailing out a child can prevent mistakes but at the same time, may fail to resolve the attendant confusion. The strategies we use to correct errors and resolve confusion become resources that enhance learning! Moreover, by taking over the task of producing a child’s work, a parent may inadvertently be communicating, I don’t think you are capable.
So how can you help your child in ways that encourage independent thought and action? The same way you taught him to ride a bicycle: creating the parameters of the experience, providing structural support then quickly “fading-out” the support, until the child assimilates your presence with his own.

• 1) Set the time and place– a quiet, positive homework environment away from stereos and televisions. Walk the child out with the bike, hold the seat as he mounts.
• 2) Confirm the assignments and evaluate the child’s ability to follow written instructions. Ask him to read the assignment and interpret the meaning. Compare that with your own. Resolve any discrepancies. Run along side of him firmly holding the seat as he pedals.
• 3) Perform a “dress-rehearsal.” Have him generate potential answers to questions in your presence prior to recording them. A concept is best learned to the extent that it can be applied. Generating possibilities teaches a child flexibility, increasing the choices available in any given situation. You intermittently let go and re-grasp the seat.
• 4) Avoid hovering, especially with a child who feels dependent and indifferent about homework. After setting the conditions, exploring his understandings, and helping him begin to generate work, back off. “You’re doing great! I’ll be back to check you in awhile.” This is where you let go of the seat but continue running along side.
• 5) Review the assignment and complement its completion. Stop running and catch your breath, your child is two blocks ahead of you. Soon it will be your car!