“Should I buy a new car, or go to Bermuda? Should I buy a motorcycle instead? Green or Blue? These things are very costly. I need more income. Should I ask for a raise, or take a second job? What approach should I use in asking for a raise? Direct? Indirect? Gee, this is very exhausting. Maybe I should just sit down, turn on the t.v., and make these decisions tomorrow…”
French philosopher, Jean-Paul Sartre, pointed out that not choosing is, in itself, a choice. Granted, it’s a passive choice. Yet for many of us, decision-making is so anxiety- provoking that we too often decide to not decide! The cost of that indecisiveness is high. It can often make us victims of circumstance, puppets dancing on someone else’s string. Worse yet, choosing not to decide may be used to confirm a “self-fulfilling prophecy” of ourselves as incompetent failures. In the long run, learning to be decisive is easier and less painful than recriminating ourselves for being inept or remaining constantly at the mercy of outside forces. It isn’t easy. Active choices involve risk taking: What if your decision was wrong?
An important prerequisite thought to consider in overcoming fear of risk-taking involves recognizing (and continuously repeating) that there is no absolute certainty in life; we cannot guarantee that favorable or unfavorable events will or will not occur. Under the circumstances, deciding not to choose because you may ultimately have been wrong is as meaningless as deciding not to breathe because tomorrow the air quality index may be extremely poor. In contrast, when someone for whom “deciding” is anxiety- provoking, forces a choice, any choice, the initial reaction is likely to be a sense of relief for having taken some action. Furthermore, if that action itself should have some positive consequences, “deciding” may become a little more popular and a little less dreadful. Thus, Rule #1 for fence sitters: Force the choice. Flip a coin, if you have to. Or select the one which comes up first, alphabetically. But commit yourself and act on that decision.
An ancillary consideration in overcoming risk-taking and deciding concerns consequences. While, as mentioned earlier, there are no guarantees for consequences, the negative ones may not be as severe as one might imagine them to be. Rule #2: Consider this consequence, “What’s the worst thing that can happen.” Repeat it often. Play out its worst case when considering a choice. While this may seem to be an extremely unfamiliar procedure, for indecisive people, the kind who spend two hours deciding where to go for dinner (and then end up ordering in pizza), it can be a valuable tool.
“What is the worst thing that can happen if I go to that expensive new Polynesian restaurant rather than my old favorite, reliable (but somewhat boring) place? I will pay a higher price for bad food and lousy service. That’s a minimal risk for the opportunity to have a new experience.”
Perhaps, using this model, even the most timid among you can zip through daily choices. After a while, decisions on small matters may begin to come naturally (unconsciously) and the procedure can be discarded like any other tool that has served its purpose and is no longer necessary. True life-changing decisions are a different matter. They may require assistance from someone who is qualified to help. To some extent, however, the procedure previously discussed can furnish a beginning by clarifying the consequences of a bad choice. What is the worst that could happen if I make a bad marriage? There are several: Divorce, financial hardship, emotional turmoil, child- custody battles and, oh yeah…lawyers. Not a pretty picture. But by outlining the consequences, you dramatize for yourself the need for time and thought– and for courage. Big decisions involve big risks. This is one of the unpleasant facts of life. Facing those risks directly, and accepting responsibility for the act of deciding– even when those decisions render negative outcomes– is difficult. Yet, it’s a way for you to live life, rather than letting life live you.