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The Waiting Room.
 
It could be any room in the house. It could be an internal picture of a dark, empty room; or it may not be a room at all.
 
Sometimes it’s a recurrent lump in your throat; a failure to get a grip on yourself as you feel your clay feet firmly planted in mid-air. Perhaps it’s a deafening silence. Whatever your experience, it may be your best friend; a familiar roommate, a constant companion: Loneliness!
 
Many individuals who share their lives with loneliness have no expectation for change. Only the experience of waiting– as always–until something else happens…but never does. Loneliness is portable. It travels well; you can take it with you–even on vacation! You can be lonely by yourself, with your spouse, a friend, or a room full of other people. You can have it as a steady diet–a full-course meal–or simply, a la carte. Or you can choose to not have it at all!
 
Leaving the waiting room is a choice which may or may not be consciously available to you. People who are trapped in the waiting room are often prisoners of their own brains. Given no direction, a brain will run randomly on its own– like a runaway train–without any regard for your best interests. There’s no “off” button; and no one inside manning the “switch track.” How many times have you just been sitting there in the waiting room, minding your own business… literally…when suddenly your brain flashes a lonely, depressing picture that you follow with a deep sigh or moan? Compare that with the number of times your brain flashes really ecstatic pictures. How often do you sit there and reminisce over unpleasant things which occurred ages ago? It’s as if your brain is saying, “I’ve got nothing important on my plate at the moment, so I guess I will run that bad thing again–you know, the one that makes me really feel lonely or disappointed.”
 
This format also applies when you have a bad day. You run that vivid movie of the day’s events over and over until you confirm your loneliness and depression. In fact, some people are talented enough to be able to feel bad about things before they happen. Have you ever told yourself that a movie or concert you were going to attend will probably not meet your expectations? How about a social engagement, like a date? Under the circumstances, these individuals can feel disappointed and reconfirm their loneliness ahead of time! Why wait to be disappointed, when you can do this? In each of these instances, one has to plan to consistently perpetuate these bad feelings. This is what happens when you let your brain just rumble along without providing it with a new direction. It’s a remarkable achievement! Its also one worthy of change.
 
Try on a new perspective. Think of a past experience in which you were able to achieve something of value for yourself. Be sure you can see a picture of that experience in your mind. As you review it, try to make it brighter and closer to you (if you can’t…pretend that you can). Does that change the way you feel? Now take that very feeling with you and flash a picture of an unpleasant, lonely memory. Be sure to have that first feeling while you watch the unpleasant picture. Repeat the process, but make the unpleasant picture dimmer and further away. How does this affect your feelings?
 
Have you ever felt, “lucky?” Perhaps you won a prize, avoided an accident or achieved something that surprised you. Now have that feeling and let a “little voice” tell you about that lucky experience. Make an internal picture of something lonely and unpleasant. When you have it, add the sounds and feelings you created called, “lucky.” What happened? If you run your internal dialogue a certain way when you are creating disappointment and loneliness, change the tone and rhythm. For example, if your tone is high-pitched, pressured and rapid, try talking to yourself as if you had just awakened from a night’s sleep, and you can hardly move your mouth to form the words!
 
Lonely people often say they can’t look forward. But can’t means can-not; the acquired ability to not do something. It’s as consistent as planning disappoint- ment when going to the movies because you know it can’t be as good as the book. But you go anyway, don’t you?
 
Use that same planning ability to consistently look forward! Utilize good feelings, sounds and pictures that you have from other experiences in the contexts you are facing. See “you” going out and meeting someone new. Create your own success. Leave the Waiting Room!