“No.”
Nobody likes to hear it. So many people are afraid to say it. For all its bad reputation, “no” is a good old Anglo-Saxon word that can save friendships and business relationships– not to mention prevent anger and self-disgust. How often have you agreed to do a favor, and then become angry because you were too busy and didn’t want to do it in the first place? How many times have you bought something, from a third set of encyclopedias to an automated potato peeler, simply because you didn’t know how to refuse a persuasive salesman? Has a friend ever asked for a loan so small that you never requested repayment, but felt exploited?
<?xml:namespace prefix = o /> If you know the answer is, “yes, too often”, then you may be one of those people who has trouble with that two-letter word. The price for that is more requests from friends who don’t understand that you want to say “no”; more salesmen at your door, and more hidden frustration. Very often, people are afraid to assert themselves and say, “no” when it appears that others are taking ad- vantage of them. In all likelihood, these people are operating by assumptions that are not useful to them:

• In order for me to be happy, I must be accepted by everyone and,
• (2) In order to be accepted, I must be polite, agreeable, generous and avoid confrontation at all times.

 However, it is not necessary to allow others to take advantage of you simply because you have been taught to behave quietly, politely, “nicely.” On the other hand, it is not often to your advantage to become overly aggressive, exploding unreasonably when confronted with a situation in which you feel exploited. A useful, compromising style is available to you in which you can learn to assert yourself and make a polite refusal, without overreacting with aggression.
 First, ask yourself if you want to do whatever is being asked. Do you need what someone is requesting you buy, and can you afford it? If not, the answer is “no.” Do you want to do that favor, and do you have the time? If not–and there is no dire emergency– the answer is “no.” Simply thinking about a request in terms of your own feelings and needs brings a rush of self-respect and freedom…no?
 The next issue is how to handle a refusal. In response to a salesman or casual acquaintance, the answer is, “Thank you, I’m not interested.” Delivered with polite firmness, that should end the matter. Even if you have made the initial contact, “Thank you, I’ll call if I decide to buy”, will serve the purpose. Friends and business associates are a different problem. The general rule is to tell the truth without making the person feel rejected. If you are too busy, too tired, or simply dislike doing that kind of thing say, “No, I’m swamped (or dead tired) right now. I would prefer not to take on one more thing.”
 Or perhaps, “Thank you for asking, but I don’t believe I could be of much help. Sorry.”
 An assertive option, “If this were truly a loan that was repayable, I wouldn’t mind. But as you never repay me and I really need the money, I will have to refuse.”
 Phrases like these can be practiced. Say them aloud. Program them into your behavior. Then, if your honest feeling is “no”, know when to say “no.”