“…in Chinese the word crisis is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.”
John F. Kennedy

“There can’t be a crisis next week, my schedule is already full.”
Henry Kissinger

What is, “midlife?” And when is it a “crisis?” Most of us have heard of it. We know how to use it in a conversation, especially when someone begins acting strangely. But many people would have difficulty agreeing upon exactly what a midlife crisis is, who has it and when it is supposed to occur.
Curious creatures we human beings. Everything seems to get better with age except us, of course. We cherish a good red wine, aged to perfection and ready for the most discriminating palate. Same with cheese and meat. We find value in collecting antiques, rare coins and art from the past, ancient artifacts! And we worship “old money.”
But our own aging is not something we savor. Rather, it is viewed as a time for deteriorating, acting restless, depressed, boring, forgetful and even helpless in some ways. We talk about this hill that we are over.
This comes up a lot in conversations when things happen such as walking into the kitchen and forgetting why; looking down and failing to see our toes, or noticing that certain…behaviors require a little more effort than before.
Having nothing else tangible to which one can attribute these changes, it
is simply called a midlife crisis. Depending on who you are, this can
happen at thirty-five, or maybe fifty. Or it can nothappen at all!
The idea of something being a crisis means that there is a serious problem for which there does not appear to be a solution. One is operating in a state of uncertainty in which some aspect of life seems chaotic. The by-product is emotional turmoil, usually in the form of anxiety or panic; and depression.
Getting older is often viewed in this way because it is not something within one’s control and therefore, “unsolvable.” The aging process just keeps barreling along—like a runaway train—while you entertain some highly negative thoughts such as: (a) getting closer to death, (b) a sense of waning abilities—physical and mental, (c) beliefs that there is not enough time to do and see all the things you thought you would when you were much younger and, therefore, (d) feeling less desirable—like used goods ready for recycling!
But something else also happens with age. Something people may forget when they are inside recanting all of their losses and limitations. Like wine and cheese, we get better! Because we get smarter. During the course of our lives, we collect a whole array of experiences in which we accomplished goals, failed and then learned alternative routes to success, felt lucky, relieved, passionate. These experiences are stored unconsciously—like your phone number and the steps for tying your shoes. And they can serve as powerful resources to help you score on the other side of that hill.
The task is getting to those resources in order to gain control of your life. Accessing them into your conscious awareness so they can be used to convert a midlife crisis into a midlife opportunity! This is accomplished by using those resources to improve the way you think about how you are now and where you could be headed.
Begin by asking yourself (then listing), “What things have I been able to accomplish that led to improvements in my life and made me feel special?” “When were times in which I felt confident, secure, highly motivated to achieve?” “What did I look (feel) like the last time I was physically in shape?” At that time, what habits or routines did I have that differ from those of today?” “Can I think of times when I felt passionate, romantic and cared deeply for someone else?”
Then consider how things have changed. Specifically, how have you allowed yourself to lose control over the kinds of thoughts and actions which have in the past led to satisfying experiences? And what could you change that may enhance both your physical and emotional health?
Perhaps you could begin an exercise regimen. Eliminate, or at least decrease your use of harmful substances. Refine your dietary habits.
You might recall that you were your most confident when you were striving toward clearly identified goals, irrespective of age. Maybe it’s time to generate new ones. Write ten positive sentences about how you feel and think each day, instead of running a lot of negative internal nonsense about age and hills!
Think of midlife as an opportunity—a pitstop along the road where you can refuel and retune your very best self…in order to increase your mileage and satisfaction.