Incest, defined as any sexual violation between a powerless child and caretaker, can occur as intercourse, sodomy, fellatio, inappropriate touching, and exhibitionism– even verbal sexual references from an adult to a child. For an incestuous relationship to exist an adult does not have to be related to the child; he need only be the caretaker.

It has been estimated that at least forty percent of American women and twenty percent of men have suffered from this type of sexual trauma. Some of the symptoms of this abuse– which often create limitations in the lives of sufferers, even during adulthood– are depression, shame, guilt, anxiety, sexual dysfunctions, rage and self-destructive behaviors, amnesia, drug and alcohol addiction and eating disorders. Various members of society frequently have difficulty accepting a child’s accusations of such a heinous act. The child, at these times, may feel alone, empty, helpless and turn inward and become depressed. Or the child may attach learned incestuous internal experiences to other neutral events so they, too, become occasions for anxiety.
Sometimes, a child learns to distrust someone simply because he is an adult. In effect, incest survivors– like victims of other traumas– draw internal “conclusions” or “decisions”, based on the unpleasant events, which affect future experiences in their lives. These conclusions strongly affect how they respond to later situations.
In other illustrations, sexual activity and even nonsexual sharing can access fearful or angry responses; feelings of discomfort, rage and actual physical numbness. Victims are frequently frigid or promiscuous, depending upon whether they anticipate terror and pain from sexual contact, or maintain inappropriate comfort and expectations for sex with those who hurt them. Generally, they are not able to access any positively stored experiences of intimacy and, therefore, are uncomfortable with close relationships. A related point, incest victims often maintain eating disorders. To be extremely overweight or anorexic is to cast off any association of sexual attractiveness. It is also a way for a person to exercise some control over a life that is perceived to be out of control, as evidenced by the trauma
Gaining some form of control is an essential aspect of an incest survivor’s life. One of the most devastating symptoms is an extreme sense of hopelessness. When a child is violated by a loved one, he or she develops highly negative beliefs about the world; including those concerning its safety. In most cases, feeling a sense of hopelessness leads to attempts at controlling everything. Achieving a sense of control is the way an incest survivor fights back. Another such manifestation is through self-destructive behavior. Since a traumatic exper- ience is stored internally, the incest survivor may literally want to cut it out. Where memories of the past powerfully impact the present in a highly negative manner, an incest survivor turns to alcohol as still another means of gaining some control. Thus, many alcoholics are victims of this trauma.
Seeking help for something traumatic is often difficult for those who have been so abused. Many find it both a frightening and humiliating experience to both relive and share with others. Some are so good at repressing it that they are not even sure what happened! Yet, a popular belief is that in order to heal trauma from the past, one has to relive it again in the present by acknowledging it, discussing it with significant people in one’s life, and express feelings related to the incident(s). The idea is that people who have been victims of such trauma early in life have accumulated experiences– including recycled memories of the event– that build up inside them like a liquid until they are ready to burst or overflow. The way to then “get in touch with” this process, according to many treatment experts, is to re-experience the painful events again with a helping professional, and then try to let it go once and for all.
Although there have been reported successes with this approach, the process of change is slow and painful. There are several difficulties with this method of relieving pain. When you ask people to re-experience some traumatic event, you are putting them in an un-resourceful state of consciousness. The chances of producing new resourceful behaviors and attendant positive feelings under these circumstances are greatly diminished! In fact, this pattern may inadvertently strengthen the traumatic associations! By continually accessing painful and limiting states of consciousness, it becomes much easier to trigger them in the future. An alternative model of dealing with trauma begins with a similar assumption that most people have about their lives: The past influences the present and future. However, there are many differences worthy of discussion. Be here next time.